Eulogy for Doris Mae Tatone

Delivered by Steve Tatone, on behalf of his brothers and sisters

Tuesday – October 27, 2009 / Incarnation Catholic Church / Centerville, Ohio

Our thanks to all of you for coming here today to honor and celebrate the life of our mother.

Over the past few days, our mother has been called everything from a saint, to a legend, to a force of nature who more than held her own in a family of diverse and highly competitive figures. She indeed was all these things.

But to her six children -- Paulette, Bobby, P.J., Mark and Denise -- to all of us, she was simply "Doris – the Big ‘D’."

Mom was our hero. While our father has always been the heart of our family, mom has always been the soul of it. She’s been our Rock – our touchstone; a steadying influence through the peaks and valleys of our lives. She was an incredibly loyal and utterly biased person when it came to her family and never afraid to show it.

Someone once defined greatness as the ability to touch both ends at once. By that standard, mom was truly great. She was tough, but also compassionate. Serious and stubborn at times, but also funny and carefree in the very next moment. Competitive, especially on the golf course, but also empathetic. Impatient and quick with a stinging critique, yet calm and prayerful when the moment called for it. She was the classiest and sassiest woman we’ve ever known, yet also the most pious and humble.

As members of the ‘Greatest Generation’, Doris and her husband partnered for decades after the Second World War to raise a family and build a small business that grew to have a tremendously positive impact on the community as well as on the countless people who worked with my father and all us kids over the years. Later, in the last half of her life, she found a companion to share her Florida adventures with on her beloved Siesta Key – proving the adage that there can be a vibrant Second Act to ones life. Add all that to six kids who loved and adored her and you have the ultimate role model - and it was an honor for all of us to be her children, and a special privilege for me to be her son.

Now that's not to say it was always easy being her kid, because she could embarrass you to death without warning. As a young boy, I didn't quite know how to handle the ear-splitting chants of “Go Stevie, Go!” cascading down from the stands when I was playing hockey at Hara Arena with my little brothers. My teammates, to this day, never let me off the hook on that one. But secretly, I really didn’t mind at all because she was one of the few true-blue hockey moms who never ever missed one of our games. She always showed up, and that always meant something special to P.J., Mark and me.

Our mother never rested, she never stopped; she always seemed to be in perpetual motion. When she wasn’t power-walking the beach she was out playing golf with Bruce or trying to beat my brother Bob and cousin Tony out of a few bucks on the putting green; when she wasn’t watching her football games she was making small side bets on them. When she wasn’t decorating her place for Halloween or one of the holidays, she was helping out part-time at the local gift shop she loved in Siesta Key village. About the only time you were sure to catch up with mom was at Mass on Saturday afternoon, where she prayed her rosary and helped take up the collection. She took that weekly job at mass seriously.

Today when I close my eyes, and I'm sure this goes for my brothers and sisters as well, and we think about our mother, we see her cheering us all on in everything we did. Now, with her transition into the Light, it’s easy to look at her children and see the impact she’s had on us all.

My sister Paulette almost became a nun, family lore has it, until she met her husband Jerry. I’m certain her special spiritual gifts of healing and providing comfort to others came from mom. And it’s easy to trace my brother Bob’s “cool-hand Luke” persona. No matter the circumstance or the outcome, my brothers’ ability to roll with the punches and then ask “OK - what’s next?”…well, he got that from mom. No challenge was ever too big for Bob or Mom to handle. And whenever trouble lurked on the horizon, real or imagined, there is simply no one better to have on your side than my brother P.J. - Loyalty and family honor runs deep in my younger brother – a trait he inherited from our aggressively spirited mother. Standing your ground in the face of adversity and being absolutely dedicated to a cause is rooted in my brother Mark. When he was hit by that car and confined to a wheelchair for all those months of his young life my brother remembers nothing more vividly than having mom right there by his side every minute, tirelessly nursing him back to health.

And it’s obvious to attribute the fierce grace and stoic resolve my sister Denise displays along with her winning smile and sharp mind to the DNA that was passed on by her mother.

As for me, I will always point to mom’s constant example to never give up and never give in as a guiding light in my life. She taught me and all of us kids that there can’t be any rainbows unless you experience a little rain in your life. So when the chips were down, she taught us to just keep dancing until the music stops.

Mom was a trailblazer for her family. She never tried to play a role or be anyone else but that young, head-strong girl from Coshocton, Ohio who loved life and lived it to the hilt. She reveled in happy times and took adversity and turned it into advantage. And that takes courage. She’s the best teacher any of us ever had.

If she were here today and speaking here -- and I know we all wish she were – she’d be talking about her family and how grateful she was for her parents and her brothers, all of whom she absolutely adored. Then she'd tell you how proud she was of her kids and grandkids. And finally, she’d remind all of us that life’s too short to be sad for even one minute and that we should just hurry and wrap up these services today so we can all get to the party at Mark’s, tell more stories and have some great laughs together. That was Doris. Forget the gloom – just point her to the dance floor.

I'm sure everybody in this church has a story about Mom, a story that would make you laugh, make you cry, a story that would make you roll your eyes in disbelief. She was the real deal. She had a couple of great men in her life, she had a great family, a deep, deep faith in God, and she combined that with being a fearless liver of life .

In closing, let me say that in the last years of her life we found Mom to be even more awe-inspiring than in her 83 years. She who never sat still was forced to confront stillness and the creeping loss of her most treasured memories, and it was hard for her, but she never complained and she never asked for pity. She fought, and she fought, and she fought, right up until her very last breath.

At the end of her life, she was both strong and vulnerable, she was tired and tireless, determined and yet also ready to surrender to God. She did it all, she lived it all, and she loved us all. Though engulfed with heavy hearts today, my

brothers and sisters know there's a bed in Heaven for Mom and that all her physical ailments and memory loss have given way to the fiery, youthful, vibrant, eternal Light that encompasses and fuels her loving soul.

I've never known anyone with such strength, grit and Faith in her family and in the Almighty. A devout Catholic...a loyal friend...an incredible mother. She has set the standard by which all her children, grandchildren and extended family can only hope and pray to live up to. We'll miss her terribly, but are comforted with the knowledge that she'll always be looking out for us in that parallel universe known as Paradise.

Another legendary Daytonian once said: “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and that I could say, ‘I’ve used everything that you gave me.’ ”

Let there be no doubt in anyone’s mind today that our mother, Doris Mae Tatone, used everything that God gave her – and we, her children, grandchildren, family and friends, are all the richer for it. Thank you mom. Amen. And God bless.

To all of you....Grandma wanted me to tell you : I'm sorry if I didn't get the chance to say; all the things that you would need to here. And to remind you: I'm just a prayer away.
All my Love
L. Columbia

The Tatone Lead Foot

If you're a Tatone or have Tatone blood running through those veins, well you’re familiar with the ‘Tatone Lead Foot.’ If you’re not a Tatone, chances are you’ve been in a car with us and you know to hold on to you’re a$$ cause you’re in for a ride! As the generations come I’ve observed the ‘Tatone Lead Foot’ to breed out a bit. Grandma, however, is as raw as it gets. She scared me to death when we’d take a cruise... “Go Court! Ah, I could have made that!” Grandma treated driving as if she was on a race track – her motto was ‘get there & fast’! I will never forget as long as I live one fateful day when Denise was down visiting Sarasota. We had just had dinner with Grandma over at her favorite seafood restaurant ‘The Waterfront’ and we said our goodbyes and watched her drive away. The restaurant was on a major road where she would have to turn left crossing 3 lanes of traffic and as Grandma always did, she pulled out – FAST – and BOOM – CRASH! A little pick-up truck plowed into Grandma’s car, Denise and I saw the entire thing happen in front of us. It was almost in slow motion...we saw the crash and we saw what looked like hair flying. We grabbed each other’s arms and ran as fast as we could out the street preparing ourselves for the horror, and to our utter surprise there was Doris, hairless and pissed! “Grandma! Are you O.K.?” I asked “I’ll be fine when you go get my hair! Hurry it’s going to be road-kill!” Before we could say anything she whipped around to her pocket-book and pulled out her cosmetic bag and proceeded to ‘touch-up’ her make-up (a man in uniform was on the way – have to look good.) Confused, I went out to the road and saw the real victim, Grandma’s hair-piece. It really took a beating. And as soon as I went to grab it - the Florida winds picked it up and it started flying down the street! She was persistent and said “Court! Bring it here, I can fix it.” I finally chased that sucker down and I handed it over, looked and Denise and we just laughed! I had just found out Grandma wore a piece – classic! Once the family realize what happened they came over to check it all out and my Mom looked at Grandma and said, “Doris, you want me to fix that?” (her hair piece was on backwards) “Awl hell, Linda, it’s alright!” Grandma always knew the importance of looking good no matter where you are! “Always have a mirror, comb and some lipstick,” Grandma would say followed by her signature laugh. Always a jokester :)

When I was little, my sister had me convinced that you looked like Tina Turner. I'm not sure where Karin got this idea, but I bought into it until I was about ten years old i figured you'd surprise us one day and sing "Proud Mary," but that never happened. I know you wanted to hear that story. I remember you laughing as you told me how many guys you dated in high school. I think I emulated you there - and like you, I have equally fond memories of those days. You were a mother at 20. I turn 21 on February 15th ( I think I was cheated out of being a Valentine baby because you had already taken that day.) At 21, I can't dream of being married or a father, much to the relief of my family; but times have changed. I want to share the most special memory I have of you: You had come for your summer visit - I was 16 at the time - and my parents had both gone to work. you didn't have a round of golf lined up for one particular afternoon (if you can believe that) and I had not yet started school We decided to go see a movie at the $1.50 Theater and you let me drive! Keep in mind that my parents were still wary of me as a driver (without cause, of course,) but you handed me the key with confidence and never acted like you feared for your life! We drove to the movie theater, saw Far and Away with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and drove home without a hitch. I'm sure you don't even remember that day, but I want you to remember how you gave me your trust without question and how wonderful that made me feel. Thank you, Grandma. I love you. -Michael

Happy Birthday form Your First-Born

Dear Mom, You know that TV show in the 50's called "I Remember Mama?" I know there are a few of you left out there who do. Well, in thinking back almost fifty years (time sure flies,) I decided to write about the times that stand out in my memory (which seems to be fading due to hardening of the arteries...) So here goes. First Holy Communion: Mom, you always brought me the prettiest dresses. My communion dress was the best. However, did you have to have Aunt Rosie curl my hair with that HOT curling iron? This was not electric, kids, this was an iron you heated on the stove! Spaghetti dinners on Sundays with Mrs. Paul's fish sticks and french fries on Friday: What more can I say other than the sauce was great, conversation was limited, and Fridays have never been the same. Christmas Tree: Mom, you have impeccable taste in clothes and house decoration, but the aluminum Christmas tree with gold bulbs and floor light with a revolving, four-colored filter really tops the list. Wedding Day: Now that I think about it, except for picking out the dress, you planned the whole thing for us. What a fantastic day. Everything was perfect. Thank you! Feel free to give us advice for Karin and Dave's wedding. Ski Trip: One of the most fun trips of all. Taking a family of non-skiers to Colorado to ski for the first time. What a sport you were, Mom. To learn to ski in your fifties was really gusty. Frankly, I don't think I would have tried. I do remember the two of us walking to the clinic one day, but it didn't phase you. You're a wild woman! Mom, you taught me a lot. Thanks for having all these brothers (a sister for a real challenge.) It certainly developed my domestic skills! It made me what I am today. CRAZY! Just kidding. I love them all. I wouldn't have missed chasing the boys around the dining room table every Saturday night for anything. It built up my cardiovascular system. You're 70 now, Mom, which means you are still a dangerous woman. I hope that I have some of those same genes so I will continue touring new things, no matter what my age, and have your fun-for-life attitude. Happy birthday! Love, Paulette (Your First Born)